Creating a space for all women to be seen, heard, and celebrated for being their authentic selves

Gaby:
Hello, I'm Gabrielena Alcala, the creator of A Cada Paso. This podcast explores the life of individuals who may not be famous, but that are making a significant difference in their community. We are here to show that there is wisdom and inspiration all around us in the stories of those who quietly impact the world, those that are called the unsolved heroes. Hello, everybody. Today I'm interviewing Christy Dean. She's the founder of the Soul project. I love this interview because I have to say that I felt very connected with her purpose, but also her journey and everything she said about how she one day said, I need to do something closer to what I like, or she did some soul searching on what she wanted to do.

Gaby:
And she has found the thing that really moves her, that really gets her up every day. That doesn't mean that it's easy. And this is why the conversation with her was really nice, because she speaks about that as well. I hope you enjoy the show, and please remember to leave me a review@acadapaso.com. I'll put in the show notes, the link to my website. It really helps me when you tell me what you think about the show. Thank you so much. Hi, Christie.

Gaby:
Thank you so much for being here today. It's funny how I discover you and the work you're doing. We were just talking about that. I discover you through a poster you put or, like, a sign at a coffee shop in Boston called Levite or actually a sandwich, a smoothie place in Brooklyn. So thank you for joining.

Kristie Dean:
Thank you for having me. I love the little ways that the universe connects us. So I'm happy to hear that.

Gaby:
Very nice. So why don't we start with you telling the audience a little bit about you, like, in two minutes, and you choose how you want to present yourself.

Kristie Dean:
Sure. So I'm Christy, and I am, first, I would say, a mom of three little girls. I have three little girls that are eight, seven, and four. And they take up a lot of money. Yes, I'm in it. Totally in it. I'm also a professional photographer, and I've run my own photography business for the past 16 or so years and more recently. And I would say why I'm here with you today is I'm the founder and executive director of the Soul Project, which is a women's and girls empowerment nonprofit organization in greater Boston.

Kristie Dean:
And we provide emotional enrichment and personal growth opportunities for women and girls, really, at every stage of their lives. So we've served girls ages five all the way to women ages 85, and everything in between. And so that's something that I think is very unique about what we do. Really exciting and special.

Gaby:
Wow. Tell me a little bit more about what kind of things you do. What are your programs like?

Kristie Dean:
Yeah, the Soul project started, as I said, I'm a photographer, and it really came from my own personal existential crisis. I had one day, I had my two little girls in my backseat, sleeping in the car for what I call a sleepy ride. And I had this moment of awareness that I didn't know who I was, I didn't know what I liked, I didn't know how I got there. And I knew from the outside, everything looked fine. I was healthy and I had a job. But I had this sort of slap in the face that something was missing for me. And I realized I had no self awareness. And it was time to sort of do something for myself, to figure out who I was.

Kristie Dean:
And I decided that at that moment that I would start a project that would help me both figure myself out, connect to other women in a really authentic way. And so that's what I did. I started a photo project sharing women's stories from our community that got to really the heart of who they are. Not just the highlights, but the full picture that shared their pride points and their insecurities and did it in an empowered way. And so I thought I would do twelve stories or something like that. But the most amazing things kept happening. Each time I would share, there would be some incredible connection that would happen or deep healing. So I kept going and I went on for two years.

Kristie Dean:
Every Monday I shared a story. And then Covid happened and I said, wow, we've created this really organic community of people that read these stories every week. And one question I ask every woman is, what would you tell a twelve year old you? And I was up one night and I said, that's it. We need to start a girls program that brings these women in from our community to add value to adolescent girls in real time instead of giving this hypothetical advice. And so I started having pop up workshops, and it grew quickly. And now I'm sitting in our studio in East Bridgewater, and we hold workshops for girls ages seven to eleven on anything that helps girls thrive, particularly around regulating our emotion and mindfulness and self esteem and using our voice. And all these different women come in and show them different versions of what successful and smart and beautiful, and it's really powerful. And so we've grown.

Kristie Dean:
We now have a teen program. We also have a group for girls with intellectual and developmental differences, mostly girls with autism and down syndrome. And they deserve the same thing. A space to just be themselves, to use their voice, to create, to move, to connect. We have a women's program. So when I say we serve women at every point in their journey, we truly do. We also have a partnership with this organization in Worcester where they serve women who have recently exited sex trafficking and prostitution. And we host the women from their residential program every other month for an empowering workshop.

Kristie Dean:
And once again, we're just here to hold space to remind them that they're worthy, that they are good enough to live healthy, full lives with meaningful connections.

Gaby:
Wow. Incredible. I love this story. And I was going to ask you, how did you start it? Or why did you start this project? But you answer this and it's really incredible how you took action from a moment of, I don't know, crisis, self doubt, whatever you want to call it. What have you learned from doing this project? Not from the people, not the women that are in your program, but from doing the project itself.

Kristie Dean:
Yeah, I think I did exactly what you said. I turned pain into purpose, which is what a lot of women that come to our program are looking to do. And we hope to help people turn their journey into something impactful. I always say, the bigger the storm, the bigger the rainbow, the bigger impact you can make on a person who's where you once were. But something I've learned really personally, I'd love to share, is that I am so capable and I am someone who used to fear public speaking like a podcast like this. I would have to change my shirt three times. I'd be sweaty. I wouldn't know if the words were going to come out.

Kristie Dean:
And when you pursue something truly from the heart, it forces you to step into all of your fears, because the growth, the impact, the purpose is bigger than those fears. So I'm so grateful to this whole path I'm on. I don't know how I got here when I really. It's incredible. I feel like something is pulling me along. But what I have learned is that when you step into your fears are where you need to go to grow.

Gaby:
I think you're saying something key there, that it's when you are in something bigger than yourself. So do you have something that is not for, I mean, it's a little bit for you, but it's not to you. It's not about you project, it's about someone else. So the project that helps overcome all the fears that you may have, do you think 100%?

Kristie Dean:
I think when it's just about you, your excuses way heavier. But when it's coming from a place of service, I can remind myself if I don't use my voice, those girls I'm trying to help won't get to grow in the way that I want them to. So 100%, that's really incredible.

Gaby:
So how do you do? And I'm changing a little bit the questions that I had in mind based on the answer you just gave me. Even with that, I'm also doing my own. I'm an entrepreneur woman. So how do you deal sometimes with the doubts of a bad day or something didn't go well, and then you think, okay, this project didn't work out, so how am I going to keep going? Is it going to be a repeated partner? How do you deal with those thoughts that are a little bit more negative than they should be? If you have them, maybe you don't have them.

Kristie Dean:
Absolutely I have them. I think that it's human to have them, and it's how you rebound from them that makes the difference. I have over the past few years, when the negative thoughts come in, I sit with them for a moment and then I get back to the why and I give myself grace and I remind myself that all things are temporary. So I absolutely have bad days. I have days where I'm like, what am I doing? Where you question everything. And then I know that soon enough that moment will come that will remind me of why I am where I am, why I pursued what I do. Whenever I look at any of the girls and women that we serve and see their growth, I'm reminded that I need to persevere through those challenging moments. And I think that's a great point.

Kristie Dean:
I think we often tell people that they need to be positive all the time. And I think that is unrealistic. It's not human, and it actually sets people back more. I think if we could teach people that negative thoughts, tough moments, it's actually part of the journey, and it's just about moving through them and learning to rebound. It's resilience. And that's a big part of what we teach the girls here at soulful girls is you can do hard things. It doesn't mean it's going to feel good. It's not going to be easy, but it's worth it.

Kristie Dean:
And so when I say I'm living in my purpose, sometimes people are like, oh, that must be so great. You must feel good. All the time? Hell no. I feel scared. Shit. Sorry if I can't, can. I swear you can. I feel scared all the time.

Kristie Dean:
I feel uncomfortable all the time. But I'm also so proud and I'm so fulfilled. And you choose your hard. I will take the hard of stretching myself over the hard of wondering what I could have done any day. And I want that for every woman and girl that we touch at this whole project.

Gaby:
So I was going to say.

Kristie Dean:
In.

Gaby:
A previous episode, I asked a similar question, and this person said something very interesting. She said to me, going back to a corporate job was not an option because I didn't want that. I wasn't just happy. So I said, I need to make this work because the other thing is not an option. So I need to make this work. And I guess on the things that you're doing right now, the possibilities are endless. It's like the sky is the limit in a way, and that it's scary. But also, I don't know, it's just inspiring when you know that there are so many things you can do, even if not all of them go well.

Gaby:
So I think this is great. What have you learned from some of the people? I bet everybody teaches you something, but do you remember anything that you have learned from these people you have met, these women or girls that has stuck in your mind?

Kristie Dean:
Yeah. I think the overwhelming and constant lesson that I continue to learn by doing this work is that we can't assume that every time I meet someone, and I think social media makes this very clear, we think we have people figured out. When you get to know people's stories, which is what I get the privilege of doing, is learning. I meet someone and then learn their whole full story, or as much as they're willing to share. And it humbles you, because I approach everyone and everything with a much more open mind than I did before starting this. Even if someone is a jerk at Starbucks. Right. My initial response is, oh, they must be having a tough.

Kristie Dean:
And, like, I wouldn't have responded that way six years ago. I just have a lot more compassion for the human experience and that we are sort of a result of whatever experiences we're going through. And I think if we could all take that, take things less personally, we would be able to have more compassion and we'd have a lot less issues. But that's been a huge learning piece for me, is to just take things less personally, give people more grace to move on.

Gaby:
I will never forget a friend of mine. I was in one of these taking personally things. And she was dropping me off in my house and she said, listen, I love you a lot, but the moment you leave this car, I'm very busy with other things in my life. I'm not thinking about you. Why do you take things personally? People are not thinking about you all the time. And I thought it was so impactful. It was tough, but it was so impactful. It's like people don't have time to think about you.

Kristie Dean:
No. How liberating is that really, when you think about that too, right? It's like you think everyone's thinking about you all day. Go about your day. Do you? No one really cares.

Gaby:
Exactly. It's true. What have you learned? And I think you answer a little bit, but I don't want to assume, what have you learned in recent years that has allowed you to have more moments of happiness, like something that you have implemented in your life that makes it better?

Kristie Dean:
I think I have a two part answer to that. One is what I was just speaking on. Taking things less personally has really freed me of a lot of heaviness that I used to carry, trying to assume and project what I thought other people were thinking and doing. And the other part, I would say, is getting a more comfortable with being seen.

Gaby:
Tell me more about that.

Kristie Dean:
And I think this will be relatable to a lot of people. Editing yourself, hiding yourself, not sharing vulnerably, sort of being a chameleon, making sure everyone's comfortable with me. I think I have gotten better at just being myself. Takes a lot less effort by doing so. I have finally, only in recent years, started to attract my people, which is no wonder. You can't attract your people if you're not showing your actual self. You're going to attract the people, the fake self we're supposed to attract. And it all seems so obvious, but I think a lot of us are doing this.

Kristie Dean:
So I would say not taking things as personal and just being okay, being seen for who you are. Myself.

Gaby:
Yeah, I love it. I love it. What would you change about yourself?

Kristie Dean:
I'm going to switch up that question. I'm going to say, where do I want to grow most?

Gaby:
Although I have a similar question.

Kristie Dean:
Oh, okay. What would I change about myself? I think I am trying to unlearn a lot of things right now. People pleaser. I've been a people pleaser my whole life. Right? So I would change this desire, and I'm actively working on that. This desire for approval, to need everyone to be happy with me all the time. If everyone is happy with you all the time. You're probably not living your truth.

Kristie Dean:
Right. So I'm actively trying to change that about myself, and I've experienced a lot of growth around that, but I know this is a lot of us struggle.

Gaby:
With that, and that's very related to being seen for who you are. Because when you present yourself as you are, that doesn't mean that you're not growing as a person or growing as a professional and you don't care anymore about pleasing others. You're just being there. Good. To be who you are without doing it because somebody else is going to be happy with that. So they are sort of related, and it's hard.

Kristie Dean:
Yeah.

Gaby:
So I was going to ask this later, but I'm going to ask it now because of what you said before. So in a year from now, if you tackle something that will move you closer to who you are, to doing the things that you love the most, that makes you wake up every morning to be yourself, what would that be? What would that look like? Although it seems like you're doing it already.

Kristie Dean:
No. Yeah. I'm definitely sort of in between two careers right now, and I'm really looking forward to slowly moving towards this work. The work I'm speaking to you today. I'm still a full time photographer, and I'm lucky that I really have two careers that I really enjoy, but there's only so much time in a day. I look forward to just continuing to grow and pursue this type of work more. I'm graduating, actually next month with my master's in positive psychology and coaching, and I'm excited to really start implementing that more into my work. It's really just a personal thing.

Kristie Dean:
In a year, I hope that I'm just a little bit further into my truth then. I feel like we're like a statue that's being chiseled away into who we really are. And this is an ongoing process. I'm really happy with the path I'm on, so I just hope I continue on that same trajectory.

Gaby:
So you have four careers. So you're a student, you're doing this word, a photographer and being a mother. Those three kids. Young kids. Oh, my God. Okay. I'm tired already.

Kristie Dean:
Yes.

Gaby:
So is there anything you have done differently?

Kristie Dean:
I would have started challenging myself and asking for what I need sooner. I think I waited longer than I should have. I'm glad that I finally did it to ask for what I want to use my voice, and I'm grateful to this organization that I created but is now supporting me in my growth to continue being that type of person. I was very passive growing up, and it's a lifelong journey to learn to use my voice.

Gaby:
You have come a long ways. I don't know. I didn't know you when you were.

Kristie Dean:
A kid, but I have come a long way. For anyone who is petrified of public speaking, I want you to know, go do it. It's like this weight that hangs on you because you avoid situations, you avoid careers, you avoid things, because that's just not something you do. So don't let that story hold you down. I'm telling you, it's so liberating to use your voice and to complete something. There is nothing more fulfilling. So whatever the fear is, I think that's my ultimate message, is like, whatever your fear is, run towards it and just swim in it, because life is on the other side.

Gaby:
Totally. Do you do any training on public speaking or you just lost the fear and start doing it?

Kristie Dean:
I just started doing it. And I would keep signing up for any opportunity that came to me. I would say yes, and regrettably, and I would be sick about it until it happened, and then I would do it, and I would prove to myself I didn't die. And then I would sign up again. And like anything, it's a muscle. And only recently. So I started the soul project five years ago. About a month and a half ago, I started working with a leadership presence and speaking coach to really figure out what are my little things that I do and where could I improve.

Kristie Dean:
And honestly, it's more mindset. Work around using my voice, what holds me back, what makes me nervous, what is my trigger before, when do I get sweaty? When does my heart race? And all those things still happen. But I have developed a confidence in myself that is unshakable. And when I say it's unshakable, I don't mean that doesn't come with fear and nerves and sweat and panic and anxiety and regret. But I know without fail that I can do it. And I know that because I have continued to put myself in the position, and I can do it every time. So that's what I want for our girls. They're all going to have a fear.

Kristie Dean:
They're all going to have a public speaking for them, like little Christy had for her. And I want them to just stamp it out so it is not something that controls them. And that's where you really become proud of yourself.

Gaby:
Yeah.

Kristie Dean:
And I guess the fear you're feeling.

Gaby:
Is a positive fear that will make you work to give a better talk or a better presentation. But it's not a fear that paralyzes you, which is a negative 100%. It's a good. Because we need to have a little bit of fears.

Kristie Dean:
Yeah. It means you care, right? If you say, I tell the girls often, just give it a new name. Anxiety is similar to excitement. It's a similar physiological feeling. And when you attach it to a negative word, you feel that way. So I always just say, we're excited. Put on that backpack filled with the fear, and you're going to go do it anyways. You just bring that backpack with you.

Kristie Dean:
And I tell the girls all the time, I am literally going through my life with my backpack on with all that human stuff that is real, the negative self talk. But I'm going anyway.

Gaby:
This is great. So this is a lighter question. Have you watched or read something recently that you want to share with people that you thought it was incredible or you just loved it or had a good time?

Kristie Dean:
Yes. So I recently watched live to 100, a series on Netflix about the blue zones around the world, which are where people tend to live to 100 or beyond in larger quantities. And I was fascinated with it because basically all of these blue zones are essentially doing all the things that we are promoting and teaching and fostering. At the soul project, I love it, which is deep, meaningful connections rooted in vulnerability, which is incorporating movement and challenge mindfulness into your daily life in a way that's very organic. For instance, in almost every one of these communities, the people who were over 100 were out tending to their garden three days a week. It was their purpose, but they didn't realize that they were doing, like, 100 squats a day. So it was like, built in. It wasn't trying to manufacture well being.

Kristie Dean:
But how do we live a good life organically? We need connections. We need purpose. We need to challenge ourselves.

Gaby:
Totally.

Kristie Dean:
And I love that. I recommend that.

Gaby:
So if you had a chance to have a glass of wine or something, you name it, whatever you like, with someone in the world. And again, life is alive or not famous or not famous, who would that person be? And what question would you ask?

Kristie Dean:
I kind of went two ways with this question, but I love Mr. Rogers, and I really love that he used an art to inspire and educate and connect, and I really resonate with that. What I have built was really an art form, but with a deeper desire to connect people, to help people build self awareness and to make them feel something. And so I watched Mr. Rogers growing up, but more recently, when I watched his documentary, I was like, wow, this guy was the real deal. And I would love to just sit with him and ask him how he was able to stay so true to his vision and mission. Despite people often saying he's too good to be true, he must be. This.

Kristie Dean:
I mean, the guy, as far as I know, is the real deal. And I'm inspired by what he created and the legacy that he left.

Gaby:
Wow. Very nice. So I always end the interviews with a phrase. And in this one, I don't like to repeat phrases, but the one that keeps coming in the conversation, I mean, I always end with a phrase. So I don't want to repeat phrases that I did before. But the one that keeps coming again is just do it. My father used to tell me, don't say it, just do it. Although in my interview last week, the woman said, but now that I said it, I feel pressured that I'm going to have to do it.

Gaby:
It's just something that you've driven. But that's what I thought of. You. Tell me, is there a phrase that you connect with?

Kristie Dean:
Yeah. When I read this question, I say this to myself all the time. Whether I'm trying to open, like, a can of pickles, that's difficult or I'm about to step on a stage and speak. Krista, you can do hard things. You can do hard things, definitely. And I think that within that phrase, it's not supposed to be easy, it's not supposed to feel good. But I can do hard things.

Gaby:
Well, yeah, you can. Definitely. You can. You're juggling like, four or five things right now. Definitely. You can do hard things. So, Christy, thank you so much for this conversation. I am so happy for my moment of mindfulness while having my smoothie at Levite that I stood up and read your sign because otherwise we wouldn't have.

Gaby:
Instead of being on my phone, I just decided to see what was around. So I'm very happy that that happened. And thank you for joining. I wish you luck in all this that you're doing. It's incredible.

Kristie Dean:
Gabriellna, I am so thankful to be here. Thank you for this conversation and I hope more people can come find us and be part of our movement to.

Gaby:
And can you please say, how can people find you? Please?

Kristie Dean:
We would love for you to come check us out. We are at thesolproject Co. You can really find all of our offerings and calendar events there. And also you can read our soul stories that are released ongoing. Our handle on Instagram is at the soul project stories. So we'd love to have you come join our community.

Gaby:
And I will put all that in the show notes so people will know how to find you. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful afternoon.

Kristie Dean:
Thank you so much. This was a beautiful conversation.